Nerves

Over the past four years we have had many first visits with new doctors. Every single time we have a first visit it takes my blood pressure up a notch. Part of it is that we are going for SOMETHING. And each "something" could be a big something or a little something. The anticipation of it being bad always scares me. The other part is that every time we meet with a new doctor it means going over the past 4 and a half years in detail. All the ups and downs. All the tough stuff. All the tests and doctors and surgeries and procedures. I hate reliving all of that. I like to leave it in the past where it belongs.

Thursday is our meeting with the developmental pediatrician. We are going to discuss the abnormal behaviors, anxiety and obsessions Abby has developed. I have no idea whether this will be a check in every six months kind of appointment or a go in every other week for therapy kind of appointment. Only time will tell with that part.

What is stressing me about this appointment is that this is the most abstract kind of appointment we have had. It's easy to talk about her milestones and the quality of her motor coordination. Going over previous tests and appointments are just matters of fact. This is much different. Now we are talking about behaviors and parenting and underlying psychological issues. This (to me) is where it really gets complicated.

We don't know what the future brings for Abby. She may end up have OCD tendencies like many people with RS. She may not. We may be able to control the symptoms behaviorally and we might need medication. We just don't know. I hate the unknown. You would think the past four years would have taught me to let it go but it's hard. I am better with the whole "wait and see" philosophy than I used to be. I am surely not perfect.

I just hope that we love our new doctor and it is easy to work with her.