Thursday, September 13, 2012

To my sweet tiny girl

Dear Abby,

Tomorrow morning I send you off to your second week of school. I send you off for over seven hours every single day knowing that you smile when you leave but you cry while you're there. I send you knowing that being there all day long is exhausting you both mentally and physically. When you come home and tell me "I only cried once today Mommy" I smile from ear to ear and tell you I'm proud... on the inside I am sobbing. I HATE that I have to send you away from me all day. I HATE that you have this thing, this stupid diagnosis, that takes you away from me.

I wish your life was easier. I wish, like most parents, I could send you off for three hours each day and you could have a "normal" kindergarten experience. I hate not knowing whether I made the right decision to agree to a full day, special needs kindergarten. I hate that I am not with you to hold your hand when you cry. I hate that someone names "Mrs. Swanson", who I have never even met, wipes your tears away. I hate every single minute of it.

I think the hardest part, my dear girl, is how well you handle it. The fact that you never complain. The fact that you never say you hate school or don't want to go back. It's the fact that you just gut it out and deal with it in your own way that kills me a little. As much as I don't want you to cry or be upset I wish I could be the one hugging you when you are sad about it.

I know that this is for the best. You are getting the best education that we can possibly give you. You are in the best hands right now. But somehow that doesn't make it any easier. I pray that time makes this whole thing easier. I hope that you fall in love with your class, your classmates and your teachers. I look forward to the day when school is one of your favorite places to be. I just hope that day comes soon.

I Love You,



  1. As a mom...sending lots of hugs and encouragement to you.
    As a teacher of students with unique needs, I am confused as to why the teacher has not met with you, prior to your daughter starting school. In my state we hold a prior IEP meeting and the parents tour the classes, building, etc..and the teacher is involved in the whole process? I understand your discomfort at not knowing who is caring for your baby. Jennifer, GA

  2. You are BOTH so BRAVE. It tugs at my heart to see your struggle >:0
    Sending you all my love Kristen and Abby.